


The Scars That Remain

by Multiduel



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cole (Dragon Age) Being Cole, Fuck Bianca, Gen, Parental Varric Tethras
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:47:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26155981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Multiduel/pseuds/Multiduel
Summary: "You get him killed, and I'll feed you your eyeballs Inquisitor"The mystery of Bianca and the red lyrium may have been solved, but that doesn't mean certain members aren't still feeling the weight of what happened.
Relationships: Male Lavellan/Dorian Pavus
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	The Scars That Remain

The early evening air was cool and quiet. The leaves in the trees overhead rustled gently against one another, as if afraid to disturb the rest of the world around them. The occasional howl of some far off creature and the delicate humming of insects were the only accompaniment to the steady crackle of the campfire. Varric poked at the burning logs with a stick, keeping his eyes fixed on the embers that tumbled free onto the surrounding dirt. Usually he took peace in these moments, when the world didn’t feel like it was ending, where you could almost pretend there wasn't a huge hole in the sky. Not tonight. Tonight, Varric couldn’t quieten the thoughts that bounced around inside his mind. A never ending stream of ‘whys’ and ‘what if’s’ swam around in his head till he felt sick. He dropped the stick and ran his hands over his face. The rest of the campsite was still, except the slight flapping of open tent flaps. Ramiel (Tipsy), Tiny and Sparkler had gone down to the river while Cole had volunteered to walk the perimeter of the campsite. Thus, Varric had been left to his own devices for a while. Tipsy had given him a questioning look when he’d declined to join them at the river but Varric had waved him off. He didn’t really feel like talking about it, not yet anyway. 

He stood and stretched, shrugging his coat from his shoulders and moving to drop it just inside his tent. He picked up his notebook and pen from where he’d left them ontop his bedroll and returned to the fireside. He watched the flames for a few moments, running the tips of his fingers over the slightly faded leather bound book. It had been a gift from Hawke, bought in Kirkwall from a funny little merchant who was peddling goods just outside the chantry. Other than his crossbow, it was one of the few things he never went anywhere without. He found flipping through it brought him some semblance of comfort. The familiar feel of it underneath his fingers, not to mention the snippets of stories that would never be published. Sketches, journal entries, descriptions of places and people he’d seen. He skipped through the pages, stopping occasionally. A drawing of Hawke at the Hanged Man. A list of nicknames for the various Inquisition members. A reminder to himself to get Cole to eat more. He turned to the next clean page and brought his pen to it. Maybe if he got the thoughts eating away at his brain on paper they would make more sense. 

Distant shouting, dragged his attention up. The others were returning from the river, he caught the end of their conversation as they approached.

“Bullshit, there is no way it isn’t”

Tipsy was shouting but there was no heat behind his words, only amusement laced with a smear of mocking.

“Believe what you like, I’m not going to argue.”

Sparkler, soundly vaguely insulted as per his usual tone. Varric watched as they came into view, still wet from the river, Dorian’s hair pushed back neatly, while Ramiel looked like he’d been dragged through a hedge backwards. He dumped himself on the ground next to Varric in a flurry of long limbs and gestured at the other mage. 

“Varric will agree with me.”

Dorian sat down more gently, being careful to brush the ground a little before he did so and gave a half eye roll of mirth. Varric raised an eyebrow and looked in between the two mages. 

“Agree with what?”

Ramiel’s eyes glinted with mischief. He leaned over towards Dorian and poked at the other man's face. 

“We’ve just been swimming and it’s still _perfect_.”

It took Varric a moment to realise he was referring to Dorian’s mustache, which true to his words, still held its shape as if it had just been meticulously styled. Ramiel poked at the mustache again much to an unamused Dorian’s exasperation. 

“It _has_ to be enchanted.”

Varric chuckled. 

“The world is about to fall apart around our ears Tipsy, and you’re concerned about Sparklers facial hair?”

Ramiel tried to make his expression serious, taking a swig out of a flask that had suddenly appeared in his hand from seemingly nowhere.

“Gotta keep an eye on the little things Varric, ‘specially with blood mages.”

Dorian snatched the flask from the elf’s hands and cuffed him round that back of the head with it before taking a swig himself.

“Less of the blood mage _savage_ , just because the concept of grooming is alien to you.”

Ramiel lunged for his flask but Dorian simply held it out of his reach. The two began to squabble, wrestling over the drink. Varric rolled his eyes and smirked. 

“Alright lovebirds, cool it before one of you ends up in the fire.”

Dorian relented and handed the flask back turning his attention towards Varric. He eyed the open book in the dwarfs lap, then gestured at it with his head.

“Anything interesting?”

Varric looked down at the mostly empty page. He’d only managed to write one word. 

**Bianca**. 

He quickly closed the book and shook his head. 

“Not today.”

Dorian leaned back on his hands and smirked.

“Make sure when you write about me you mention my skills as well as my looks. I understand it’s easy to get distracted by them.”

He slapped away the stray hand that had begun to creep up towards his face again and glared at the elf who now had his head in the mage's lap. Varric rolled his eyes, tucking the book under his leg. 

“Trust me Sparkler, I won’t miss a detail.”

He eyed the two of them and grinned.

“Actually, since you're both here I could always do with some more information on the two of you.”

They were interrupted before either could respond with a loud thundering crash as The Iron Bull kicked his way through the trees and into camp. Dorian threw him a look over his shoulder. 

“Never one for the art of grace.”

Bull laughed.

“Grace won’t get you through a fight as well as strength, pretty boy.”

Dorian glowered at the nickname and turned his head back towards the fire. Ramiel laughed at the sulky expression on the mage's face. Dorian scowled down at him. 

“Don’t even get me started on you, Mr “I flail my limbs around like I’m trying to fly.” 

“You’re just jealous of my style.”

Bull sat himself down next to Varric as the two mages continued to bicker. Bull smirked at them then gave Varric a wink. Well, Varric assumed it was a wink. Hard to tell when the person only has one eye. 

“You alright?”

Varric pondered the question for a moment then shrugged.

“As good as I can be.”

Bull raised an eyebrow.

“You sure? You’ve seemed a little out of sorts ever since that shit in the mines.” 

Varric sighed and scratched at the back of his head. 

“It’s complicated.”

Bull nodded. 

“Yeah, I get that.”

They sat in silence for a while, watching the fire burn through its fuel and the mage couple openly flirt with each other. The sun finally withdrew from the sky, finally allowing the stars to light up the darkness. Varric was about to make a comment on the strange peace of the night when Ramiel suddenly sat up almost knocking his head into Dorian’s chin as he did so. 

“Let’s play a drinking game.”

Bull cheered and Dorian rolled his eyes. He picked up Ramiel’s now discarded flask and shook it. 

“I don’t think we have enough.”

Ramiel grinned.

“Oh ye of little faith.”

He reached into his coat and produced a second flask, then pulled a third from his bag. Bull cheered again and Varric shook his head.

“Does carrying all those not get heavy?”

Ramiel shrugged. 

“Worth it.”

Bull pulled out a bottle from his own bag. The label was faded but Varric could still make out the words. **Dragon’s Piss**. 

“What are we playing?”

“Straight face?”

Varric shook his head again and stood. Ramiel held out one of the flasks to him but the dwarf declined. 

“I think I’ll leave you gents to it. I'm going to go and look for Cole, he’s been gone a while.”

Ramiel withdrew his hand and gave Varric a mock salute.

“Scream if there's danger.” 

“Why? Will you come and save me?”

“Yeah you’re right, probably not.”

Varric chuckled and picked up his notebook, tucking it under his arm and stepped away from the campfire. Cole didn’t usually go far, likely he’d found a flower or an animal that had taken his attention. 

*

He was only a few hundred meters from camp when he spotted the young boy crouched on the ground watching something intently. As Varric approached Cole looked up at him and smiled, before returning his attention to the ground. The dwarf crouched down next to him and tried to see what he was looking at. 

“What you found Kid?”

Cole pointed at a small purple flower that was growing by itself in the grass. On one of its leaves was a small green snail, slowly creeping its way up the plant. Varric smiled.

“Ah, made a new friend I see.”

The snail was circling one of the plant's lower leaves, leaving a small silvery trail behind it. Cole reached out with a single finger and moved the plant slightly, allowing the snail to gradually crawl off the leaf and onto the boy's hand. 

“She knows she waited too long, but she was afraid.”

Cole raised his hand to his face and inspected the creature on his finger with a small frown.

“Now it is hurting, but she can’t make it stop.”

Varric quirked an eyebrow.

“And here was me thinking snails were cheerful creatures.”

Cole returned his hand to the plant and coaxed his new friend off his finger. He sat himself down in the dirt and continued to stare down at the flower. 

“She hated what she did, but she didn’t know how to go back.”

Varric sat himself down on the hard ground next to Cole and crossed his legs. He cast a side glance over at the boy but the pale face was almost completely obscured by the hat. Cole drew his knees up to his chest and hugged them there.

“The guilt was black, then it went red, then it was everywhere.”

Varric felt an uncomfortable knot begin to form in the pit of his stomach. 

“We ain't talking about the snail are we Kid.” 

Cole turned his head a little, enough that Varric could see blue eyes peering out from sandy blond hair. If Varric didn’t know better, he’d say the spirit looked almost angry.

“Burning like fire, she waited until it would hurt the most.”

Varric said nothing. Cole shifted, crossing and uncrossing his arms.

“Knew the risk. Knew the danger, but let it hurt anyway.”

Varric sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He looked up at the sky. The evening had now fully passed, a thousand stars winking down at the dwarf. He let Cole’s words hang in the air for a long moment before responding.

“Yeah, well. We all make mistakes.”

Cole stood suddenly, Varric jumping out of his skin as he did so. The spirit gripped at the edges of his hat, trying to pull it down over his face. 

“Pain made it easier to wait. Pain made it harder to stop.”

The boy had begun to pace in small circles, his face screwed up in an expression of anguish and confusion. Varric felt a sense of alarm beginning in his chest. He stood up and made a grab for Cole’s arm but missed. The spirit continued to pace, his steps growing increasingly heavier, his tone harsher. 

“Blamed everyone else. Twisted the words till they only fit one way. Never at fault. Always passed on the misery.”

Varric began to feel his alarm turn to panic as Cole grew progressively more agitated. He’d begun to kick out, as if swatting away invisible demons. Varric ducked to narrowly avoid being hit while simultaneously trying to call the boy back from wherever his mind had gone. 

“Cole? Hey Kid, you’ve got to calm down. I can’t understand what you’re - “

Cole suddenly stopped, his arms dropping to his sides, hands clenched into fists. 

“Gave up so much for her. Risked nearly everything. Why did she wait so long to tell me?” 

Varric stepped forward to speak but felt his limbs seize as the air around them dropped several degrees. His breath fogged in front of his face and the grass beneath his feet seemed to crunch as if frozen but there was nothing to indicate any visible change. Cole dropped to his knees, slamming his fists into the ground, sending small invisible shockwaves through the dirt, nearly knocking Varric off his feet. 

**“It's not fair**.”

Varric forced his legs to move, staggering over to where Cole had fallen, collapsing to the floor beside him. The world around them grew darker and colder. He used numb fingers to grip the boys shoulders, shaking him. 

“Cole, Kid stop it. _Please_. You’re going to hurt yourself.”

He pulled the spirit forward into a sort of embrace, pressing their foreheads together as if to force the negative thoughts out of the boy's mind with his own. He could feel the burning heat inside Cole’s mind as a bitter contrast to the rest of the ice cold world around them. He begged in his mind for the heat to stop before he burned himself out. 

_I can’t let her take him too_.

It felt like an age but eventually, the boy raised his head a little more and Varric felt his heart clench in his chest. Cole’s eyes burned a deep ocean blue like veil fire, his skin unnaturally pale. His features were contorted into a medley of pain and grief that wasn’t his own. 

“She made you hurt.”

Varric moved his hands from Cole’s shoulders to his face, a hand on each cheek. Compared to his own cold skin, Cole felt like he was on fire, the difference almost painful. Varric moved him till he was looking directly at the dwarf. 

“I know she did Kid, but you need to stop this now.”

Cole tried to shake his head but was prevented from doing so by Varric's tight grip. 

“But it’s _hurting you_ , I just want to-”

“I know you do Cole, but you can’t always… Sometimes you just need to let things hurt.”

Cole whimpered, squeezing his eyes shut trying to drop his head down. Varric held him still.

“Cole, look at me.”

There was a long pause but Cole eventually opened his eyes again. The blue irises not quite so harsh now. Varric sighed and tried to push down his concern, lest that began to mess with the spirits head too. 

“You can’t always just make the bad stuff just disappear Kid, you’ve got to just… ride it out.”

Cole blinked at him but said nothing. Varric did note the air seemed to warm a little. He kept his focus on Cole, his hands still pressed against the spirit's face. 

“It’s better to let the feelings stay sometimes.”

“But it’s making you angry. Glass splitting, splintering till it finally shatters, the guilt building up till it can't contain what’s inside.”

Varric dropped his hands, instead clasping around the boy's slender fingers. 

“Yeah, but it means I won’t make the same mistake again.”

He gave a dry chuckle at his own expense. 

“Probably anyway. Got to stop trusting her to do the decent thing at some point, right?”

Cole gave a small frown, unsure what to do with this. Varric chuckled again and slowly rose to his feet, the invisible ice apparently gone. He pulled Cole up with him. 

“Ignore that. Come on let's get back to the others before they worry. We’ll talk about this more tomorrow.”

He released one of the boys hands but kept a firm grip on the other. 

“Just, try and stay inside your own head for a bit okay Kiddo? I really think this hurt helping stuff isn’t good for you.”

“But I _like_ helping.”

“Yeah, well I’m telling you not to. At least for a little bit okay?”

Cole said nothing, just allowed himself to be led through the grass back towards where the others had set up camp. Varric ignored the sharp spike of fear that had made itself known in his gut, trying to supress every feeling he had so as to not freak the kid out any more. He made a mental note to himself to try and not have any strong feelings when the boy was around. A task he already knew to be impossible since Cole seemed to be anywhere and everywhere all at once. Varric shook his head at the thought of how ridiculous they must look. A tall gangly kid being pulled along by a dwarf.

*  
Bull raised his head when he noticed Varric and Cole returning to camp. 

“Bout time, was just starting to get concerned.”

Varric raised an eyebrow at the Qunari as he led Cole over towards the fire and sat him down by it. 

“But not enough to get up I see.”

Bull gave a dismissive wave of his hand.

“I’ve seen you handle yourself, plus you’ve got-”

Bull stopped when he laid his eye on Cole. A small amount of colour had returned to the boy's face but he still looked paler than usual, his gaze fixed firmly on the flames in the firepit. 

“He okay?”

Varric shrugged, grabbing a blanket and dropping it over Cole’s shoulders. The heat had gone from the spirits skin, and the boy had begun to tremble slightly.

“He will be.”

He gave a quick scan around the campsite. 

“Where are the other two?”

Iron bull smirked and gestured towards one of the tents.

“Three guesses.”

Varric gave a small smile and settled onto the ground next to Cole. The three of them sat in a semi comfortable silence for a while when a shout from one of the tents broke the calm air.

“Fasta vass!”

Varric spun his head over towards the tent. He could hear shuffling and muttering emanating from inside. 

“You and your big feet.”

“It was an accident!”

“You have any idea how much this blanket is worth? Well now nothing, because there's oil all over it.”

“”I’ll buy you another one.”

Bull laughed from his position on the other side of the fire. Varric smirked, reminding himself to write this up later. The silence settled over the campsite again for all of a minute before it was broken.

“Dorian.”

“What.”

“You know what they say about guys with big feet.”

This final comment was shortly followed by the sound of something soft being repeatedly hit against what Varric could only assume was the Inquisitors head. He brought one of his arms around Cole’s skinny frame, allowing the boy to rest his head against the dwarfs shoulder at an unusual angle. He shook his head and sighed watching the ashes fall from the firepit once more.

**Author's Note:**

> If I ever stop writing Varric being a dad to Cole fics, just assume I'm dead  
> Varric, stop projecting your feelings into the child.  
> Also this took me way too long to write considering it's as short as it is.


End file.
